Nameless.Insights

I’m looking in the mirror. My skin is glowing and has the perfect pale glow. my make up done just enough and my hair flowing down my back. I look perfect. But why am I shaking? I mean it is normal for people to feel this way, so I should feel a little uneasy. most people on their wedding day have small fears and what ifs. like, what if I trip down the aisle, what if I walk to fast, what if I forget to look up and smile. but my what if isn’t the same. mine is what if he doesn’t want this? what if this is nothing to him?

I’m surrounded by my favorite people in the world. I look to my left, at my best friend. “Can you find him for me?” I’m not in my dress yet, I don’t have to be for almost another hour. I want to talk to him. No, I need to talk to him. Walking by me with a squeeze on my shoulder, she leaves the dressing room to go find him.

My best friend’s been gone for a little more than five minutes when I start getting too worked up. “I am going to get some air” I say to the other people in my room. Leaving with a soft smile I grab my cardigan and leave the room.

Taking in the perfectly set up venue around me I start walking down the different hallways. I get to the double doors that I’ll be going through in an hour and see that people are already gathering here. not wanting to talk to anyone I barely know, I turn around. the next set of doors I stop by lead to the garden. It’s all frozen outside since it’s wintertime, but I believe this is probably so beautiful. The land stretches on for miles it seems. Gathering up my courage and taking a deep breath I turn and head towards the east wing of the building, I know he will be there.

The door to his dressing area is open so I know they are all decent. I stand in the doorway a little taking in the surroundings. It’s similar to mine but with darker woods decorating the place. One wall in the room is of floor to ceiling windows and a patio door that’s slightly ajar since they have their cigars out. Theres a half wall that’s places near it where I spot him. Hess casually leaning against it with a cool smile and a glass of whiskey. He’s looking at his best man who seems to be telling a very dramatic story. I smile at this. They seem so relaxed, almost like it’s any other day for them. That’s when I look back at him and has staring at me. That’s when it goes silent, his buddy mid-sentence, his friends mid pull of their cigars. Taking one last breath of courage I smile and head towards him.

As I take gentle steps towards him, he looks me up and down and with a small pinch in his brows he gives me some sort of ‘are you okay?’ look. When I reach him, I reach my hand out and he takes its. “Can we have a minute?” I say almost too quiet for him to hear. He leads me to the back wall where there’s a small couch facing the east side of the property out some smaller windows. I gesture for him to sit and release his hand.

Turning back to him for a moment before I look away, I spin my pinky ring on my hands and begin. “I just need you to listen for a minute. I feel like there’s some unsaid things between us, and I want to go into this on the same page.” I gesture to us and then look in his eyes to make sure we are on the same page. “I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I want to make sure you aren’t going to leave me alone up there… Not just physically but mentally to. I know you said you wanted this, but I need to make sure. We just don’t know each other that well and some see this as something that’s happening too fast. And I don’t want to make a fool of” I pause when I realized has standing in front of me now holding my hands. Has got that smirk on his face and I feel my cheeks burn.

“You are shaking” he says. I take a few more deep breaths and then I start again. I step into him and gently push him back onto the couch. I take my hands and brush them through his perfect hair and sigh.

“I like you a lot. And I want to marry you. But I need to know you aren’t second guessing this because. Because well that would be embarrassing. Probably not as embarrassing as this… And I” he cuts me off when he pulls my lips down to his. This kiss is heavy with emotions. Words he can’t get out, his promise to me, his reassurance that this is what he wants. He pulls back after what feels like forever at the same time it was only a minute. Resting my forehead on his, our panting breaths mixing in the air between us. Unspoken words giving us a new meaning of today.

And that’s when he finally speaks. “I want to marry you too.” And that’s when I realized that’s all I needed. If feels like pounds of anxiety and pressure lifts and once. After a moment of just looking at each other he pulls me onto his lap and brings my lips back to his for another kiss. This one holding just as much emotion but so different at the same time. This one is more primal and has more energy. This one is his way of claiming my lips, my body, and my mind. Then he pulls away to soon with a smile, “so, tell me more. About how much you like me and how you want to marry me.”

I just know if I didn’t have foundation on that my face would be the color of his blood red tie. Has still smiling at me crooking his eyebrow up in challenge. Looking behind him I see his friends have already left the room and shut the door. So, I push him back so has leaning on the sofa more so I can straddle him a little better. And I lean forward with a smile kissing his cheek. “I like you.” kissing his other cheek next “I think you are charming.” kissing right below his ear and then whispering into it “I want to marry you” moving to his right ear I whisper, “I want to be your wife.” then moving to his throat I add ” and you to be my husband”. He groans and moves his hands to my ass. I smile at him and then looking into his eyes “I also think you are really hot.” he chuckles and then pulls me closer claiming my mouth again.

And then i wake up alone in my bedroom.